Joy Mii! Raise your dick if Joymii makes you think about Nintendo before it makes you think about pretty girls getting fucked. Hell, I wouldn’t have guessed it was even a porn site hadn’t I known better. The name is squeaky clean, and the domain is a few years older than Nintendo’s Mii avatars, so you’d think they’d know better. Well, in the end, I guess it doesn’t matter because you’re here to twiddle your thumbs with an entirely different purpose than the video gamers, and that’s all that really matters. is a premium site specializing in semi-arty sex vids and pics. This isn’t quite your typical hardcore joint, nor is it a boring one full of softcore nudes or those weird erotica art films you can barely beat off to. They straddle a fine line, trying to keep it classy while showing babes with mouths full of cock or in the middle of a lesbian 69. I guess this calls for the high-end shit, so I’ll be lubing up with fine truffle oil and ejaculating into a luxurious Gucci sock. Anybody else feeling fucking fancy?

Naked Girls in Expensive Lighting was registered in 2010, which seems about right based on the vibes the tour page is putting off. It’s got a distinctly Euro and somewhat dated feel, which is not to say it looks terrible. There’s cleanliness and order to it that you don’t always get with the loud, flashy sites that lure you in with a screaming montage of cumshots and gaping buttholes.

Instead, we get some big images from recent scenes flashing at the top of the screen. The lighting in the shots is fucking immaculate, bright lights shining on hot young bodies getting their pussies eaten out or filled up by fat boners. Scene titles like The Horny College Girl, Double Cumming Massage, and Daddy’s Little (Bad) Girl hint at perverse scenarios that betray the classy presentation.

The girls are fucking gorgeous, too. They’ve got this babe in the preview image for You May Cum Inside, who looks like a young, peak-era Nicole Kidman. For the most part, they’re shooting with sexy amateurs you’re not going to recognize. It’s a mix of unknown Euro girls and Americans, with a stray big-name pornstar from time to time. It’s actually kind of funny how they try to be subtle about the famous girls. There’s a very familiar slut billed simply as “Valentina N,” who many of you will recognize right away, even though they didn’t publish her full name.

Exploring the Femjoy Connection

Usually, when I find a premium that tries to come off all high class, they’re putting out endless solo shots and the occasional two-girl scene where the babes don’t even touch. I love how has the high-end photography you expect from those joints, but the action is positively filthy. All up and down the tour page, I see girls getting dick from every angle, stuffing themselves with sex toys, and doing kinky shit with their girlfriends. There are some solo shows, but the girls get freaky with themselves instead of just showing off their bodies.

Speaking of those arty softcore porn sites, I’m referring to, I was surprised to see one mentioned a few minutes into my Joymii tour. They’ve got a lot of free previews available out front, so I pulled up the trailer for a video called Minor Distractions. And before the sneak peek even began, a Femjoy logo came up. Femjoy is a good site, but if you’ve checked it out or read my review, you know it’s softcore as hell by modern standards.

I tried another preview, and this time I only got the Joymii logo. The montage started off soft, with some nice, naturally lit romantic outdoor shots that quickly led to some hot indoor sex. The preview’s a tease because it keeps it pretty clean, but the thumbnail shows the girl with her mouth wrapped around the dude’s cock.

Suddenly it all makes sense. Joy is the connection here, whether we’re talking about Joymii or Femjoy. That’s why you’re getting the kind of artful photography you expect from Femjoy, but with a hell of a lot more explicit sex. Goddamn, if I wasn’t sold on this place before, I am now!

Fancy Pants Porn at Cargo Pants Prices

That just leaves us with the question of price. So I clicked my way to the signup page to see what the damage was, holding my breath because you never know with these arty-farty collections. Sometimes they want to charge you extra just for the vibes. But what do you know? Joymii has the same pricing scheme as you’ll find over at Femjoy.

The regular price for a monthly membership at is forty bucks, which is pretty steep compared to every other site out there charging thirty. I’m writing this during the site’s summer sale, though, and it’s currently going for half the price of your typical paysite. Porn site prices can be a fucking mystery, though, and I do hope this is one of those cases where the “sale” price is really just the permanent price with some salesy bullshit to entice you inside.

So what’s that money actually get you? Well, I dug into the archive and found a lot to shake my dick at. The stash goes back to 2010, after all, and all that time adds up. As of this writing, they’ve had around 1800 updates so far. That isn’t chump change, and you’ll want to get fapping immediately if you hope to make your way through it.

And if you really want to challenge yourself to a full-site fap, I recommend taking advantage of their liberal download policy. Members can download whatever they want, which means you can save them all to an extensive offline playlist and watch them at high speed with your automatic robot vagina set to HIGH. (DISCLAIMER: I’m not responsible for any medical incidents related to the use of homemade sex toys.)

The party isn’t over, either.  Joymii’s promising members two updates of fresh, tasteful pornography every week. One release is my golden standard for any paysite and the schedule I use over at PorndudeCasting. These guys are outdoing me by one movie a week, but their gimmick isn’t quite as good. I mean, where else are you going to get a wise-ass with a big head banging the world’s hottest pornstars?

Here’s the fucking great thing, though: the signup page says they’re adding two videos a week, but that hasn’t even been true lately. They’re adding way more than that. It isn’t uncommon to find a four-day streak of fresh daily updates, so you definitely aren’t going to be hurting for new fap fodder around here.

Putting the Joy in Mii

I woke up with a case of yellow fever, making my balls ache, which is why I immediately gravitated to a video called Morning of Pleasure starring a babe calling herself Mai Thai. The 35-minute movie opens with a slow pan over the lovely young lady’s body as she sleeps in her underwear. It’s a classy lace set, not super slutty but the kind of shit that’ll make your dick start throbbing right away. Next, a white dude comes in and starts feeling her up, the camera following his hands along that perfect body.

The guy looks like a legit dork, but his doofy smile takes her in as she wakes up. They start making out, and I expected this to be a slow burn with a lot of sensual shit in the beginning. Instead, I was pleasantly surprised when she pulled out his dick less than a minute later and went to town. She bobs her head, strokes it, and fondles his balls while he gives her a look that says, “Holy shit, I’ve never been with a live human woman before, but this is amazing.”

Just like you expect from Joymii, there’s a ton of perfect lighting, the angles are framed like this is a fashion magazine, and the set is some bullshit from a Vogue cover. It’s just that this time we’re getting hot hardcore sex instead of some chick doing pretend yoga. isn’t for everyone, but I’d recommend it to porn fans looking for something with a different feel than your typical big studio paysite. Some sites pride themselves on sleaziness, but these guys take the opposite approach with their tasteful depictions of sluts getting their tight pussies fucked.

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